Well that's just not optimal

I have two stories for you. They are both true. They both happened to me in the same day. You may laugh if you like.

Once upon a time there was a girl who worked at a church. One of her duties was to go to Sam's Club every week to buy things the church needed: anything from cookies, coffee, and lemonade for the cookie bar, to tin pans for Lord's Supper family dinner. More often than not, she would regret her decision to take a regular sized cart over the flat big ones and would have to then either walk around with her head craning around the side of her towering merchandise, or find a flat cart and transfer all her merchandise, attracting looks of the other shoppers who were all very happy with their cart of choice in the process.

Well, this day would be different, she decided. On the way in to the store, she charitably grabbed a flat cart that had been carelessly cast away in the lot, instead of thoughtfully placed inside the cart cage and made her way inside Sam's vast store of delightful goodies feeling quite pleased with herself. Quickly did she discover, however, that her choice of flat cart was indeed a poor one. The cart squeaked and squawked and cared not which direction it's driver was steering it. It LIKED defying orders. It LOVED announcing to shoppers 10 aisles away where it's driver was walking. It De-LIGHTED in locking it's front wheels so that it's front end bounced up and down in defiance.

Little did the cart know that it's driver was slightly more stubborn. She decided that today she would not switch carts. That cart would be OWNED by it's driver. That cart would be pushed around NO MATTER how much noise it was making.

The stubborn young woman pushed around her cart in more than slight stubborn embarrassment as her cart truly brought more attention to her than she ever desired while shopping. She even attracted the glance of a "kind" old gentleman who said in jest, "Picked a good one, didn't ya" as she passed. But he looked kinda serious and his eyes were bulging in annoyance.

The dedicated young woman wound her way through the store, growing more and more embarrassed by her awful flat cart as she had to stop and shove all the items back toward the middle as the cart's bouncing motion slowly made all it's contents make a beeline for the floor.

Finally our heroine made it to the front of the store, after bumping into several corners, she pulled into a check-out stall, where she may or may not have gotten her cart stuck underneath the loading belt.

Because she greatly prefers to share her troubles and embarrassments with those around her so that she doesn't have to feel so ashamed and instead is able to laugh at said circumstances, she shared her troubles with the man in line behind her, who then proceeded to take such interactions as an invitation to flirt, which she then very much regretted. Silly girl. She never learns that men flirt, even when she looks stupid.

And that dear friends, is the end of that story. Unfortunately for you, I came back to finish this story several weeks after the incident and I don't remember the second embarrassing story I was going to share. Though I do remember almost backing up into an older woman's car as I was leaving, but I don't know if that was the same day or another exciting trip to Sam's.

To make up for my gold fish memory and lacking ability to remember my second story I could tell you that my first day back to work after New Year's on January 2nd was also a day of mishaps. I filled my water bottle from our happy Culligan watering hole near the windows in our office. Seeing that our bottle was empty, I proceeded to squat to pick up a full bottle. (...Because of my use of the word "squat" you might be thinking I split my pants...wrong!) Using my amazing girly strength, I picked up the water bottle, removed the cap, and proceeded to turn over the bottle, when suddenly the bottle slipped off the ledge I was leaning it on, and water began to glug glug glug all over the floor. I was then minorly shocked when I unplugged the water cooler so that I wouldn't get shocked as I was cleaning the area. Later in the day, I made some office snacks fall off my desk when I was moving boxes around. The homemade caramel pop-corn scattered on the floor and the vintage mason jar with it's original lid fell to the ground. (But didn't break, hallelujah.)

There you have it. Stories of my clumsiness and mishaps. I think they're getting worse. Huh.
I hope you had a good laugh. I sure have to!

:)