Sorrowful Yet Always Rejoicing

There are days when the desire to be cared for and taken care of are so overwhelming that I can hardly function. In the same breath though, the requirement for grit is met with the determination to have it, and the grace of the Lord comes alongside to grant me the strength to press on.

I biked to work this morning knowing that it would rain this evening...but I didn't know it would RAIN this evening. I waited until the hour when weather.com informed me that there would be "showers" instead of "rain" or "rain/wind", which was around 8 pm. At 7:58 I determined this was as good as it would get and I headed out, rain jacket over running jacket, hoodie over helmet, eyes squinting in the rain.

At first it was enjoyable. The slight gust of wind and the constant rain caused reflection on my heritage (supposedly Hembree's are originally from Devon in Britain which is marked by gorgeous coastal lines, and a history of piracy - which maybe explains my adoration of harbors and longing to be on the water but not in it) [side note- I've been doing some minimal {read not so minimal} research and I'm a little obsessed and very much want to go someday], and took me back to memories of spending one night and day in Wales with my sister before we boarded a ferry to Ireland. The wind was mighty next to the sea and we marveled at the power of God demonstrated through the power of moving air.

...But it quickly grew miserable and scary. Cars became troublesome objects to avoid, and even though I was moving extra cautiously there were several close calls - it felt like I was in a video game called dodge the vehicle to stay alive. It quickly became a life metaphor to me (as you do) and my initial bliss was like naivete before life gets hard and then the unexpected threats of the cars were like life's troubles popping up to bring you down. So then hot tears intermingled with the cold of the rain and the sweat that I couldn't feel and the wind blowing against my entire body and I was determined not to cry and spoke to myself that I would not and could not cry in this moment because visibility is quite important while biking, and it worked for several blocks but it didn't last long and my determination gave way to the gravity of the situation and my bottom lip just popped out and quivered and when my bottom lip pops out you know the sorrow is dadgum real (long sentence to be read with quickening speed, fyi *wink*)!

In my crying to the Lord I exclaimed that I may never be rescued in this life and I may never be pursued in this life, but I will be carried - for I am redeemed! I am a child of God. While that does not mean an easy life, it does mean a bought life, a belonging life, and an eternal life.

He carried me home. And even though once through my back gate I collapsed over my bike in heaving sobs I knew He was with me. He'd seen me safely through and He'll carry me home.

1. O Joy that seekest me through pain,
   I cannot close my heart to thee;
   I trace the rainbow through the rain,
   And feel the promise is not vain,
   That morn shall tearless be.
2. 
   O Cross that liftest up my head,
   I dare not ask to fly from thee;
   I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
   And from the ground there blossoms red
   Life that shall endless be.

O Love that Will Not Let Me Go

George Matheson, 1882