One of the biggest life lessons I've been learning lately is that I have no control of my life. I really have no clue what the plan is. God lately has been throwing in some huge surprises. One such surprise is this---my sister and I are going to Europe together!
Katina and I are going to Belgium to be caregivers of a lovely woman who is a friend of a wonderful woman in the state where we grew up. Mrs. McKee read this post http://disappointed-hope.blogspot.com/2011/10/birthday-lamentations.html and thought of Katina and I to recommend to her friend as caregivers. Rebecca became a quadriplegic ten years ago after falling down the stairs during a woman's meeting in her home. You can read about her amazing journey and strong faith here, at her blog-- www.rebeccasjourney.com or purchase her book here: http://www.gabriellapress.com/gabriellapress.com/Falling_Into_His_Grace.html.
I personally can't wait to get to know her and see first hand her walk with Jesus. I long to see her example of how she trusts Him and hopes in Him in spite of her circumstances. I can't imagine having to constantly place trust in the people around you to care for you and ultimately in God, who watches over her night and day.
Honestly, this feels like a huge step of faith for both Katina and me. We'll be gone from our home for 3 months. We'll be leaving our home in someone else's hands. We'll be living with a different family for 3 months and serving them for 3 months. It sounds hard. It sounds like coming to the ends of ourselves. It sounds like a place of utmost joy in the midst of hardship. This won't be a European vacation. (Though we may get to travel a little bit. We'll have 1 day a week off and we'll get to travel if we'd like. Brussels is 30 minutes away and Paris is 3 hours away.) I'm not even sure what it will be. I do know that God has called us to this. I do know that He will provide for this trip and I know that He will move in our hearts in ways we may have never seen before.
It's my prayer now that the Father will be revealing more and more my selfishness, and build in my heart a greater desire to place others above myself and to see their wants and needs as above my own. This will help as I serve beautiful Rebecca and this will enable me to grow in my love for others for the rest of my life. It's my prayer that this trip makes me more like Jesus. :)
We'll be leaving March 3rd, the day after one of my best friends' wedding, arriving March 4th, and leaving Belgium June 4th. So we've got roughly 115 days before we leave.
Would you please pray for us?
-Pray that we would have wisdom as we prepare and that God would bring everything together in His timing.
-Pray that He would provide monetarily. We must pay for our airplane tickets there and back. Once we're there, we'll live in their home and our needs will be provided.
-Pray that our relationship would grow stronger (Katina's and mine). That we would make a better team than we are now. That we would learn how to serve one another and communicate well.
-Pray that we would be consistent and disciplined in things we'd like to do better before leaving.
-Pray that we would bless Rebecca. That we'd love her and learn so much from her and also learn to serve her well. Pray that we would be able somehow to encourage her in day to day life. I have a feeling we'll learn so much from her.
My friend Jordan has been over there several times already and is like part of the family to them. She'll be there the three months right before us, so we'll get to see her and she may get to train us! It'll be so good to see her! She's been such a great help. I've been able to talk through a lot of things with her, ask her many questions and gain her perspective on what it's like.
I really am so amazed that this is happening. I've recently been so shocked at the things that God has brought my way. Things that I could never dream up or think, yup, this is definitely what I had planned out for my life. I'm so thankful that I serve a God so much bigger than my daydreams. :)
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Welcome to our Home!
As promised via facebook, here are some pictures of our home.
Let's start with an outside front view.
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| Featuring New Mexico's fine architecture! |
We have a cute entry way with a lovely view opposite our house.
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| Opposite our house is extensive open Air Force land. Who knows what they do over there...believe me, there are theories. |
The view really is more than we could ask for. We've had a few gorgeous evenings where we've sat outside wrapped in blankets watching the sun set and the stars come out in all their glory. One particular enjoyable night with our friend Rose we were all three wrapped up in the same blankies together when a coyote came strolling beyond the fence right in front of us. Of course we named him and called for him to come back and bring his family and friends. Our coyote-like howls did not work to bring him back, though he did stare at us for a while. I think our howls were convincing. Maybe he was just laughing at us...He didn't come back.
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| Here's our upper living room. Filled with furniture left over from Nanny, and a recliner and TV given to us by loving members of our church. |
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| This is a view from the top room looking the length of the house. |
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| We call this area our Book Nook. We love to sit here and drink tea or coffee and read or write together. |
Kinda like this :)
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| Sooo lovely and inviting. |
To the left of our Book Nook is a shelf of sorts. It was just extra space that wasn't going to get used. So we came up with a pillow shelf! We bought several pillows and came out with this.
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| It's awesome for extra sitting space when we have lots of people over. |
I hope you're not bored yet. We only have a few pictures left.
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| Our dining room with an awesome, hanging too low chandelier! |
At the end of the house is a sliding door to an outdoor patio. It's the perfect size for two people and still great for having people over. We had a grill out party and had plenty of room for people at two tables. These pictures don't really show size, but do highlight our pretty fall colors.
If you were here with me, we'd sit at this table and you'd be in this chair surrounded by lovely fallen leaves sipping your hot tea. I'm sure we'd have lovely conversation. We'd be encouraged and I'm sure we would solve all the world's problems. All on an outdoor patio, sipping tea.
We'd probably be able to spot a bird or two or 50 in the bushes on the patio. Seriously, they hide very well in there. Usually we only spot them when they fly away in droves or when they decide to sit on top of the wall, like this!
Aren't they cute little fellas?
Random, but have I mentioned I love welcome mats?
Well, ladies and gentleman, this ends our tour of La Maison Grise. (For explanation of the name of our abode, please see my previous post. here --http://disappointed-hope.blogspot.com/2011/10/la-maison-grise.html) Although the circumstances around us living here are very strange, we are really grateful for this time and the ability to live here!
If you noticed a lack of pictures of the bedrooms and kitchen, it's not because they don't exist. (Though I could easily sleep on the love seat in our book nook.) I think they deserve a post for themselves, plus I think you've probably seen enough pictures for one day. I've got you hooked and you're just waiting for more, right?
Monday, October 17, 2011
La Maison Grise
Change can come faster than you can say "I feel so comfortable here", or "Man, I wish my life would change and I could have a little adventure". Seriously. Four years ago I never thought I'd be living in Albuquerque. One year ago I never thought I'd be living in my deceased Nanny's house. I mean...wow.
So much has changed in a few years and a few months. Friends and friendships change, friends move away, new friends move in, some friends come back, people change---I change. I've spoken with several friends and we all agree. This is a huge time of change in our lives. We're figuring out who we are, who the Lord's made us to be. He reveals paths, we follow them. (Hopefully obediently.) Even in our hardships and our pain and even in our disobedience, the Lord is there. But I'm getting carried away. :)
My sister and I moved into our Nanny's house two and a half months ago. We're calling our house "La Maison Grise", which is French for The Gray House. As I said, this is a time of great change and growth for us. The Lord is revealing so much of our sin, pride, and selfishness. Things that we thought would be great fun (hosting parties for example) have revealed themselves to be much work! And expensive! I've learned that I really don't love people as much as I thought I did. I thought I liked to serve and I do, but the Lord is revealing more of my self-motivated heart. In the times that I do serve out of love, it is only by His grace that there is any good in me at all.
Moving out has caused us to learn many "grown-uppy" things.
...Like cooking!
This is why we are naming our house, La Maison Grise. For in the words of my sister Katina, "Gray is black becoming white". (Or white becoming black, but hey is your glass half empty or half full? Hmm?) We are in this period where so many questions are being asked and we have this hope that they will eventually be answered. We are being shaped and molded as clay. (Gray clay to be exact!) Gray is all the colors mixed together. The possibilities are endless. There are symbolic valleys to forge, and in Albuquerque, actual mountains to climb in this period of gray reflection, thoughtfulness and growth. (And who knows...more adventure could be just around the corner.)
;)
So much has changed in a few years and a few months. Friends and friendships change, friends move away, new friends move in, some friends come back, people change---I change. I've spoken with several friends and we all agree. This is a huge time of change in our lives. We're figuring out who we are, who the Lord's made us to be. He reveals paths, we follow them. (Hopefully obediently.) Even in our hardships and our pain and even in our disobedience, the Lord is there. But I'm getting carried away. :)
My sister and I moved into our Nanny's house two and a half months ago. We're calling our house "La Maison Grise", which is French for The Gray House. As I said, this is a time of great change and growth for us. The Lord is revealing so much of our sin, pride, and selfishness. Things that we thought would be great fun (hosting parties for example) have revealed themselves to be much work! And expensive! I've learned that I really don't love people as much as I thought I did. I thought I liked to serve and I do, but the Lord is revealing more of my self-motivated heart. In the times that I do serve out of love, it is only by His grace that there is any good in me at all.
Moving out has caused us to learn many "grown-uppy" things.
...Like cooking!
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| My Paula Deen Cookware fresh out of the box |
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| And modeled by yours truly |
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| And in use for the first time |
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| And producing yummy food ... Can you tell I was and still am excited about my pans?! And now back to seriousness. - --- - |
;)
Monday, October 3, 2011
Birthday Lamentations
Birthdays are kinda hard for me. I think I'm a bit of an old soul in that sense. I'm only turning 24, right, but what the heck have I done with my life? I think I may ask this question each year I'm on this earth. Gosh, this sounds a bit morbid; I think half my blog posts have been slightly on the sad side, but writing is just one way I work through things...thanks for being willing to take that journey with me.
I've been asking A LOT of questions lately. (Now to pick and choose which ones I'm actually willing to share with you...) Like, when does life begin? And I don't mean at conception or after birth blah blah blah, but when does my life actually begin to go where it's supposed to go? When will it be adventurous, or if I'm really being honest, when will it be what 'I' want it to be? When will I have enough money to be able to travel everywhere around Europe, backpack and go to lovely cafe's, dine in fancy restaurants and play music with renowned or lovely unknown artists? When will I meet that charming, amiable, handsome and debonair foreign man that will eventually become my husband (who's more in love with Jesus than I am of course and speaks at least two languages and plays music and dresses well and is athletic) --oh man, expectations, dreams, funny-- Or at least that, to my knowledge, non-existent man who will love me selflessly like Christ loves the church...When will HE come along? Is that when my life will begin?
NO!
So, will my life begin when I have pursued a career in music? After I've mastered my voice and piano and eventually violin/fiddle?
No to that too. My life's already begun, it did begin at conception and I am, have been and will be in my Father's hands through all of it. I'm living my life right now. The life that God's given me and had planned out before I was born, is being lived out right now, as I sit outside among the leaves with the birds chirping in the bush to the left of me. As I contemplate what God's placed me on this earth for, I'm living.
Often I feel as if I'm not there yet. As if I haven't achieved anything. As if my life may not really amount to anything. Like the things I want to accomplish, I may be too afraid to achieve. That I may never live adventurously like I desire to. (Fear...worry...sin...) There's so much more I could explain along these lines; how many more questions without answers I have right now, but honestly, all these thoughts leave out the most important part of the equation. "But God".
"But God, rich in His mercy and love has made me alive!
By grace I have been saved by the light of amazing grace,
This dead soul has been raised through faith.
I was saved by grace" (one of my favorite gospel centered songs based on Ephesians 2:4-6)
BUT GOD!
Yes, this earth is dying. Yes, we have sinned and fallen short of His glory and are happy to be children of wrath. Yes, we are self centered, unwavering in our thought patterns of lies, deceit and betrayal. Yes, we live for own glory. Yes, we long to know even just what path our lives will take... But God.
I was and am still a sinner, but God redeemed me though I didn't deserve it. His life (the only life lived with a completely sure direction-and that direction being the cross) was lived as a sacrifice, that His glory might be known, that the redemption of His people would be complete. His grace towards me is more abounding than I know.
No, all my questions aren't answered. But sometimes I don't think I ask the right questions.
But those questions that are right; those questions that do need answers...He knows. He knows I have them, He knows I feel them and that they affect who I am. Ultimately though, sometimes the only answer He gives is "Me. Rest in Me. I am."
So today, I strive to be grateful for the life my Redeemer's given me. By His grace and in His strength I will become who He's made me to be. (Philippians 1:6) (Romans 8 --the entire chapter-- I am being made into His image through His good and perfect will.)
So, Jesus, my Redeemer and Counselor, thank you for giving me life and breath. Thank you for your mystery and also for the knowledge that is available to me through your Word, your Son and your Spirit, given to me as a helper. Thank you that this day, I can know that in the unknown, you are known. That in the darkness, you are light to me. The shadow of the unknown is defeated in your arms. It is in those arms that I rest today.
Amen.
Here's a youtube video that really encouraged me this morning. I hope it brings hope and joy to you as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGPiY6I2L-k&feature=channel_video_title
I've been asking A LOT of questions lately. (Now to pick and choose which ones I'm actually willing to share with you...) Like, when does life begin? And I don't mean at conception or after birth blah blah blah, but when does my life actually begin to go where it's supposed to go? When will it be adventurous, or if I'm really being honest, when will it be what 'I' want it to be? When will I have enough money to be able to travel everywhere around Europe, backpack and go to lovely cafe's, dine in fancy restaurants and play music with renowned or lovely unknown artists? When will I meet that charming, amiable, handsome and debonair foreign man that will eventually become my husband (who's more in love with Jesus than I am of course and speaks at least two languages and plays music and dresses well and is athletic) --oh man, expectations, dreams, funny-- Or at least that, to my knowledge, non-existent man who will love me selflessly like Christ loves the church...When will HE come along? Is that when my life will begin?
NO!
So, will my life begin when I have pursued a career in music? After I've mastered my voice and piano and eventually violin/fiddle?
No to that too. My life's already begun, it did begin at conception and I am, have been and will be in my Father's hands through all of it. I'm living my life right now. The life that God's given me and had planned out before I was born, is being lived out right now, as I sit outside among the leaves with the birds chirping in the bush to the left of me. As I contemplate what God's placed me on this earth for, I'm living.
Often I feel as if I'm not there yet. As if I haven't achieved anything. As if my life may not really amount to anything. Like the things I want to accomplish, I may be too afraid to achieve. That I may never live adventurously like I desire to. (Fear...worry...sin...) There's so much more I could explain along these lines; how many more questions without answers I have right now, but honestly, all these thoughts leave out the most important part of the equation. "But God".
"But God, rich in His mercy and love has made me alive!
By grace I have been saved by the light of amazing grace,
This dead soul has been raised through faith.
I was saved by grace" (one of my favorite gospel centered songs based on Ephesians 2:4-6)
BUT GOD!
Yes, this earth is dying. Yes, we have sinned and fallen short of His glory and are happy to be children of wrath. Yes, we are self centered, unwavering in our thought patterns of lies, deceit and betrayal. Yes, we live for own glory. Yes, we long to know even just what path our lives will take... But God.
I was and am still a sinner, but God redeemed me though I didn't deserve it. His life (the only life lived with a completely sure direction-and that direction being the cross) was lived as a sacrifice, that His glory might be known, that the redemption of His people would be complete. His grace towards me is more abounding than I know.
No, all my questions aren't answered. But sometimes I don't think I ask the right questions.
But those questions that are right; those questions that do need answers...He knows. He knows I have them, He knows I feel them and that they affect who I am. Ultimately though, sometimes the only answer He gives is "Me. Rest in Me. I am."
So today, I strive to be grateful for the life my Redeemer's given me. By His grace and in His strength I will become who He's made me to be. (Philippians 1:6) (Romans 8 --the entire chapter-- I am being made into His image through His good and perfect will.)
So, Jesus, my Redeemer and Counselor, thank you for giving me life and breath. Thank you for your mystery and also for the knowledge that is available to me through your Word, your Son and your Spirit, given to me as a helper. Thank you that this day, I can know that in the unknown, you are known. That in the darkness, you are light to me. The shadow of the unknown is defeated in your arms. It is in those arms that I rest today.
Amen.
Here's a youtube video that really encouraged me this morning. I hope it brings hope and joy to you as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGPiY6I2L-k&feature=channel_video_title
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Faithful Friends
Friends are like (insert cheesy metaphor here: ie, cheese, they get better with time...). They truly are a blessing. You come to know how true this is when you uproot your life and move from where you've spent your entire life and must make new ones. I've truly been blessed and have grown through the friendships I've made here over the past few years, but there really is something special about long, lasting friendships.
I've known the Pennel family my entire life. My parents met them in the young married class at our church when they played volleyball together. They've been friends and consequently my friends ever since. Kathy is like a second mother to me. She went shopping with us all the time and would always bring us gifts. We were always at her house and she at ours. She's always ready with a hug and a 'bless your heart'.
Matthew is like a brother to me. There are sooo many funny stories... Like the time I apparently pulled Matthew's crib on top of myself because I wanted to see him. He tumbled out and we were both fine. Matthew's got a crazy sense of humor, so for his birthday one year we 'kidnapped' him after midnight and took him to Walmart and cruised him around in a shopping cart in the parking lot. Then we took him to the sand volleyball pits on campus and sprayed him with silly string.
This photo pretty much sums up our relationship ;) :
Harrison's hilarious and can do an epic imitation of Ernest P. Worrell. He's the greatest handyman in the world and thrives on anything that's broken and fixable.
Jessica and Marvin are the newest additions to the family. They were adopted from Guatemala years ago. They instantly became like younger siblings to me.
This week they came in town for a visit. It reminded me how much I love and miss them. It's such a blessing to have friends who know you; I mean really know you, your whole history, your mistakes, weaknesses, joys, triumphs, and love you...all of you. It was so nice to have that feeling of comfort around for a while. I definitely believe that God has friends in your life for seasons, and I have made many precious, dear friends here during this season whom I am immensely blessed by, but I also cherish those unique friendships that last a lifetime. I'm so thankful to have the Pennels as friends and family for a lifetime.
I've known the Pennel family my entire life. My parents met them in the young married class at our church when they played volleyball together. They've been friends and consequently my friends ever since. Kathy is like a second mother to me. She went shopping with us all the time and would always bring us gifts. We were always at her house and she at ours. She's always ready with a hug and a 'bless your heart'.
Matthew is like a brother to me. There are sooo many funny stories... Like the time I apparently pulled Matthew's crib on top of myself because I wanted to see him. He tumbled out and we were both fine. Matthew's got a crazy sense of humor, so for his birthday one year we 'kidnapped' him after midnight and took him to Walmart and cruised him around in a shopping cart in the parking lot. Then we took him to the sand volleyball pits on campus and sprayed him with silly string.
This photo pretty much sums up our relationship ;) :
Harrison's hilarious and can do an epic imitation of Ernest P. Worrell. He's the greatest handyman in the world and thrives on anything that's broken and fixable.
Jessica and Marvin are the newest additions to the family. They were adopted from Guatemala years ago. They instantly became like younger siblings to me.
This week they came in town for a visit. It reminded me how much I love and miss them. It's such a blessing to have friends who know you; I mean really know you, your whole history, your mistakes, weaknesses, joys, triumphs, and love you...all of you. It was so nice to have that feeling of comfort around for a while. I definitely believe that God has friends in your life for seasons, and I have made many precious, dear friends here during this season whom I am immensely blessed by, but I also cherish those unique friendships that last a lifetime. I'm so thankful to have the Pennels as friends and family for a lifetime.
Friday, April 8, 2011
A Call to Trust (and a poem)
My pastor's sermon on submission this past week got me thinking about marriage and a "quiet and gentle spirit". What does this look like? What does this look like especially for those of us who may have a stronger or louder personality? (I can be quiet, but I can also be loud, spastic, dorky... When it comes to boys though, I'm the embodiment of Jane Bennet most of the time. The Lord's slowly growing me out of this, however.) Does this mean we must quiet our personalities or just quiet our spirit? How does this manifest itself? He gave me a book to read called, Biblical Womanhood in the Home, edited by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and I'm excited to dive into it today. In the meantime feel free to post your thoughts on this. Men, in what way do you appreciate how your wife lives out a gentle and quiet spirit? Women, how do you live this out? do you struggle with it?
One of the points Ryan made was that submission = trust and un-submission is a form of worry. That definitely pricked my heart. As you've seen from a previous post I am prone to worry. Not only must I eventually trust husband, but right now and forever I must trust my Father. Right now I must submit to my Father (God) and this means I must trust Him. I'm not trusting Him when I worry about my life, the small and big things; all things are the same in size to Him and He's got them all under His control, and He's good. (He cares for the sparrow, how much more He must care for me.)
In light of these thoughts, here's a poem I wrote in December about waiting for my future husband. I hope you enjoy it! (Forgive me, I don't really know how to write out a poem correctly...but here goes)
I know they're pretty irrational, these thoughts I have about you
I get angry at you sometimes when I think about how you
haven't shown your face to me, but others around me abound in you in full
It's not your fault...you're where you're supposed to be
You're not living in a dream...nor am I
Reality calls, we live for now separately
Each in our own world
Learning. Living. Breathing.
You're probably better than I expect you to be
Your character taller, chest a bit broader
Your heart slightly softer, voice a bit louder
I hope I'm all you want me to be too
You'll come around when you're meant to
When the strokes of time fall in the right place
Nay, when hands greater than yours crafted your entrance
...You'll come
You'll come
Until then, grow boldly. Grow gently.
Gird yourself. Meditate on the Word
Grow in grace and knowledge
Root deeply where you're planted
Spread branches wide, let your fruit mature
Seek the Lord more fully, let him be your/my all
In time you'll come
I know
In time
You'll come
By Kayla R. Hembree
One of the points Ryan made was that submission = trust and un-submission is a form of worry. That definitely pricked my heart. As you've seen from a previous post I am prone to worry. Not only must I eventually trust husband, but right now and forever I must trust my Father. Right now I must submit to my Father (God) and this means I must trust Him. I'm not trusting Him when I worry about my life, the small and big things; all things are the same in size to Him and He's got them all under His control, and He's good. (He cares for the sparrow, how much more He must care for me.)
In light of these thoughts, here's a poem I wrote in December about waiting for my future husband. I hope you enjoy it! (Forgive me, I don't really know how to write out a poem correctly...but here goes)
I know they're pretty irrational, these thoughts I have about you
I get angry at you sometimes when I think about how you
haven't shown your face to me, but others around me abound in you in full
It's not your fault...you're where you're supposed to be
You're not living in a dream...nor am I
Reality calls, we live for now separately
Each in our own world
Learning. Living. Breathing.
You're probably better than I expect you to be
Your character taller, chest a bit broader
Your heart slightly softer, voice a bit louder
I hope I'm all you want me to be too
You'll come around when you're meant to
When the strokes of time fall in the right place
Nay, when hands greater than yours crafted your entrance
...You'll come
You'll come
Until then, grow boldly. Grow gently.
Gird yourself. Meditate on the Word
Grow in grace and knowledge
Root deeply where you're planted
Spread branches wide, let your fruit mature
Seek the Lord more fully, let him be your/my all
In time you'll come
I know
In time
You'll come
By Kayla R. Hembree
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Life in the Fast Lane
The other day I think I drank enough tea to fill the Boston harbor. (Haha! History joke! ;) ...sigh) This is significant because, for one, I'm not really a tea drinker. Nor am I a coffee drinker. I've tried to be a coffee or a tea drinker. I figure if you're not one you should be the other, right? Not so my friends. This idealistic desire hasn't really worked out well for me. I've discovered so far that I really only like English Breakfast tea and the way my family makes it, it might as well be a dessert. Yum. :) Also on my list of discoveries is that I really hate coffee in every form it comes in except for the smell, which I actually enjoy very much.
I was able to drink copious amounts of this English Breakfast tea without sugar because I've been sick for two weeks. TWO WEEKS! Seriously why is it possible to be sick for that long? Why, why, why? And why does it seem that we get sick when it's most inconvenient to get sick? I have so many things to do! I have a life to live and people to see and things to accomplish and a reputation to uphold! I don't want to let people down! I don't want to cancel things! I want to pretend like I'm not sick! (Which in the end makes me more sick.)
This is where God's sovereignty collides with my feeble, self-centered, prideful mind.
Sometimes God uses crappy situations amidst seemingly poorly chosen timing to teach us things. For example, sickness reminds me that I'm human, that this world isn't perfect, that I'm needy and that I simply cannot do everything on my own. Throw in the mix the "bad timing" and you emerge with reminders that you really, really aren't in charge and that your own idea of perfect timing certainly is not perfect; that His plan is much bigger than my plan and that everything is intended for my sanctification and His glory.
I've learned that one of my greatest weaknesses is striving to please people over pleasing my Heavenly Father. This can look like me agreeing with someone because it's easier, or working my butt off for the praise of man...etc. I love to look good in other people's eyes. A lot of my worry I think at the heart is centered around this. What if they get mad at me? What if they don't think I did a good job? (Please don't think I do this ALL the time though. I do like working for God's glory and for the gratification of a job well done...uh, there I go again, making sure you think well of me.)
I was reminded on Sunday during my pastor's sermon when he mentioned the story about Jesus and Mary and Martha. Luke 10:38-42 says, "Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
Ouch. When did I become a Martha? I haven't always been this way... and notice it says Martha was serving. Serving's not a bad thing...but she was distracted with serving when she had the living Lord right in front of her. She probably desired praise from working so hard when instead Christ just wanted her to sit with Him. Be with Him. Dwell with Him. Listen to and obey Him. "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary..." Now serving certainly is necessary. It's biblical. My friend mentioned today that we must be a mix of both Mary and Martha. I think within the context of the story the problem is that Jesus was physically in her house and she was roaming around cleaning and cooking instead of being with him. Also, the point that pricks my heart is that she was anxious and troubled while doing these things.
My service to the Lord must be done as an outpouring of love to Him and that comes about by first being with Him. So as I DO things in His name, I must rely on His strength and expect that He will bring about His desired results, which aren't always the results I expect, but are the results best for my growth and for the glory of His kingdom.
This week I am working as an extra in a tv show being filmed here, working as a runner at a concert and working at my job and other things. As I do these things, and as you go about doing your daily tasks this week, I pray that you and I find our strength in Christ and that we do fulfill our busy schedules and do all those things we hear beckoning to us to get done, but I pray that you and I do the necessary thing first. And that after we've rested in that "necessary thing" it permeates all our tasks and remains in our hearts as we do them. Have a blessed week! :)
Actually I feel like I overstated doing, so I'm getting back on here to restate that our doing is motivated by our first being with Him. We are able to do only because He is. We are able to live and move and have our being because He's given us life. Physically and spiritually. So don't only be with Him in order to receive from Him the strength to do the tasks you yourself want to do...Be with Him in order to make His priorities your priorities. There, I think I'm satisfied.
I was able to drink copious amounts of this English Breakfast tea without sugar because I've been sick for two weeks. TWO WEEKS! Seriously why is it possible to be sick for that long? Why, why, why? And why does it seem that we get sick when it's most inconvenient to get sick? I have so many things to do! I have a life to live and people to see and things to accomplish and a reputation to uphold! I don't want to let people down! I don't want to cancel things! I want to pretend like I'm not sick! (Which in the end makes me more sick.)
This is where God's sovereignty collides with my feeble, self-centered, prideful mind.
Sometimes God uses crappy situations amidst seemingly poorly chosen timing to teach us things. For example, sickness reminds me that I'm human, that this world isn't perfect, that I'm needy and that I simply cannot do everything on my own. Throw in the mix the "bad timing" and you emerge with reminders that you really, really aren't in charge and that your own idea of perfect timing certainly is not perfect; that His plan is much bigger than my plan and that everything is intended for my sanctification and His glory.
I've learned that one of my greatest weaknesses is striving to please people over pleasing my Heavenly Father. This can look like me agreeing with someone because it's easier, or working my butt off for the praise of man...etc. I love to look good in other people's eyes. A lot of my worry I think at the heart is centered around this. What if they get mad at me? What if they don't think I did a good job? (Please don't think I do this ALL the time though. I do like working for God's glory and for the gratification of a job well done...uh, there I go again, making sure you think well of me.)
I was reminded on Sunday during my pastor's sermon when he mentioned the story about Jesus and Mary and Martha. Luke 10:38-42 says, "Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
Ouch. When did I become a Martha? I haven't always been this way... and notice it says Martha was serving. Serving's not a bad thing...but she was distracted with serving when she had the living Lord right in front of her. She probably desired praise from working so hard when instead Christ just wanted her to sit with Him. Be with Him. Dwell with Him. Listen to and obey Him. "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary..." Now serving certainly is necessary. It's biblical. My friend mentioned today that we must be a mix of both Mary and Martha. I think within the context of the story the problem is that Jesus was physically in her house and she was roaming around cleaning and cooking instead of being with him. Also, the point that pricks my heart is that she was anxious and troubled while doing these things.
My service to the Lord must be done as an outpouring of love to Him and that comes about by first being with Him. So as I DO things in His name, I must rely on His strength and expect that He will bring about His desired results, which aren't always the results I expect, but are the results best for my growth and for the glory of His kingdom.
This week I am working as an extra in a tv show being filmed here, working as a runner at a concert and working at my job and other things. As I do these things, and as you go about doing your daily tasks this week, I pray that you and I find our strength in Christ and that we do fulfill our busy schedules and do all those things we hear beckoning to us to get done, but I pray that you and I do the necessary thing first. And that after we've rested in that "necessary thing" it permeates all our tasks and remains in our hearts as we do them. Have a blessed week! :)
Actually I feel like I overstated doing, so I'm getting back on here to restate that our doing is motivated by our first being with Him. We are able to do only because He is. We are able to live and move and have our being because He's given us life. Physically and spiritually. So don't only be with Him in order to receive from Him the strength to do the tasks you yourself want to do...Be with Him in order to make His priorities your priorities. There, I think I'm satisfied.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
The Circle of Life
My Grandma is dying. We call her Nanny. She chose the name, we didn't. Sounds a little formal, don't you think? Anyway...she's one of the main reasons we moved here from Oklahoma 3 years ago. It's amazing what can happen to a person in 3 years. I've grown and changed in so many ways. So has my Nanny...if you can grow in reverse, so she's not so much grown as she has deteriorated.
Wow, this is actually really hard to write about...
...As I sit here at the desk in the back room with the ping-pong table next to me and my dogs curled up underneath it, my mom and dad are at Nanny's house. They got a call from the neighbor a couple hours ago saying that Nanny had been yelling at her husband, didn't recognize him, had bit him and was trying to break his glasses. This is at least the third incident like this that we know of. She's got Alzheimer's disease as well as cancer that's been spreading throughout her body. Her stomach is now distended and she's got a large tumor outside her body under her arm. I don't want to go into a million details, but to make a long story short, we've done all that we can and we're just trying to make her comfortable until she makes it to the end.
As a granddaughter who hasn't been particularly close to this grandmother (she and her hubby have really pushed people out of their lives) I can say without too much guilt :/ that I haven't been a huge part of taking care of her. That job has fallen on the amazing shoulders of my mom and dad. They've done so much and it's really starting to wear on them. This week they've been over there every single day. It's now gotten to the point where we need to get them into an assisted living home, but believe me, everything's complicated.
I guess I'm writing this for one, to get it out, (writing's therapeutic for me) but also to say that I recognize now why those of the older generation are so looking forward to Heaven. You see, my Nanny can hardly formulate a sentence. She often doesn't know what she's saying. Her face will squinch up and her eyes will kind of glaze over and she'll say "I don't know...I... I just don't know. I don't know how to say this" and you'll have to guess what she's trying to talk about and then she might be able to form her thoughts audibly. The other day though, I read to her from my Bible and her face lit up. She still had a hard time concentrating, I could tell, but she loved to listen to the words. We read from James 1-2, from many Psalms and from Isaiah 52 and 53. Afterward she talked about how great it will be to see Jesus face to face. With tears in her eyes, she said, "You know if He hadn't [died for our sins] we'd just be, we'd just be..." "Helpless?", I said. "We'd just be soooo helpless."
And it's true. Without Christ spiritually, I'm as helpless as she is physically.
(More to come on this topic later.)
Wow, this is actually really hard to write about...
...As I sit here at the desk in the back room with the ping-pong table next to me and my dogs curled up underneath it, my mom and dad are at Nanny's house. They got a call from the neighbor a couple hours ago saying that Nanny had been yelling at her husband, didn't recognize him, had bit him and was trying to break his glasses. This is at least the third incident like this that we know of. She's got Alzheimer's disease as well as cancer that's been spreading throughout her body. Her stomach is now distended and she's got a large tumor outside her body under her arm. I don't want to go into a million details, but to make a long story short, we've done all that we can and we're just trying to make her comfortable until she makes it to the end.
As a granddaughter who hasn't been particularly close to this grandmother (she and her hubby have really pushed people out of their lives) I can say without too much guilt :/ that I haven't been a huge part of taking care of her. That job has fallen on the amazing shoulders of my mom and dad. They've done so much and it's really starting to wear on them. This week they've been over there every single day. It's now gotten to the point where we need to get them into an assisted living home, but believe me, everything's complicated.
I guess I'm writing this for one, to get it out, (writing's therapeutic for me) but also to say that I recognize now why those of the older generation are so looking forward to Heaven. You see, my Nanny can hardly formulate a sentence. She often doesn't know what she's saying. Her face will squinch up and her eyes will kind of glaze over and she'll say "I don't know...I... I just don't know. I don't know how to say this" and you'll have to guess what she's trying to talk about and then she might be able to form her thoughts audibly. The other day though, I read to her from my Bible and her face lit up. She still had a hard time concentrating, I could tell, but she loved to listen to the words. We read from James 1-2, from many Psalms and from Isaiah 52 and 53. Afterward she talked about how great it will be to see Jesus face to face. With tears in her eyes, she said, "You know if He hadn't [died for our sins] we'd just be, we'd just be..." "Helpless?", I said. "We'd just be soooo helpless."
And it's true. Without Christ spiritually, I'm as helpless as she is physically.
(More to come on this topic later.)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Beginning
Disappointed Hope....what does that mean?
When searching through my mind trying to choose a title that would encompass both what this blog is to be about and what I am about, I thought of one of the lessons that seems to be a recurring theme throughout my life: hope not placed in the right object will always disappoint.
I've placed hope in my abilities: I can sing, play piano, read well, learn languages fairly quickly, and at least appear somewhat smart. But these things will one day pass away. My voice will get old and warbly, my hands may lose their shape, my eyes lose their sight and my brain lose it's cognitive abilities.
I've hoped in the future: the hope of love given and received and the start of my own family; the hope of a stronger voice and a career on stage, of success and approval; the hope of the ability to travel worldwide just for fun. But, what if these things never happen? What if I don't get married? What if my voice isn't strong enough? What if I live the rest of my days in ____, New Mexico without traveling anywhere else - unlikely, but what if? Furthermore, I don't even know what my future holds, how could I therefore place my hope in it?
I've hoped in boys, jobs, hobbies, abilities, people, my future, even religion (in the sense that what I do will gain or lose God's approval)... but all have failed and will continue to fail.
The only hope that's ever seen fruit has been the hope that the Father has grown in me through Christ's finished work on the cross and through His Word. He Himself never changes. My earnest hope ought not to be in a husband, a job, acceptance, or acclaim but in what the finished work of Christ has accomplished for me. I've been bought with a precious price. I've been chosen before time to be a vessel of honor for my Creator. I will be with Him after death and in Him I will have life. My life has a mission to spread the glory of my Savior. His name will be known and His renown will be great. In this will I hope. All other hopes will be disappointed.
So please allow this blog title spur you on to true hope...hope in Christ... hope that won't disappoint.
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