My Time is Not My Own

I believe today is our 4th whole day in Belgium. Quite honestly it feels like it's been an eternity....it has been tres difficile. This is the most rigid schedule we've ever been on and we're hardly getting any sleep because of jet-lag. Last night was the first time Sis and I really had a conversation since we've been here. Since we both have different tasks, or are doing them at the same time, we are hardly alone, and when in our room we're so tired that we're trying our best to sleep.

 We are realizing that our time is not our own. We cannot do whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do it. As Katina said, "We have to do only what we have to do". It's a very difficult thing to come to terms with. I must admit, sometimes I"m not happy about it in my heart. I want more sleep, to eat whatever the heck I want (Chick-fil-A y'all) I want to be alone, to be with my sister, I don't always want to get up when I'm called, I want to exercise, I want to go outside and I want to see the city. (Stop complaining, is what the Lord said to me as I was writing this in my journal.)

And yet, the Lord is still with me. He gives grace for every moment. He gives me strength when I am tired and feel like I can't do anything else. He keeps me from fainting, and I mean that quite literally! He's helped me to handle emptying a pee bag, to help change a diaper, to endure the smells, etc. (I've yet to do the actual changing. They're being kind and letting us work up to that.) He's sustained me and given me life and breath, strength enough for each day.

"Why do you say, O Jacob and speak, O Israel, 'My way is hidden from the LORD, and my right is disregarded by my God'? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they that wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:27-31

Ok, let's be frank here. We Americans are very protective of our rights. We have expectations that must be met and our lives, boy, are our lives all about ourselves. But the time we're given on this earth was not meant for our pleasure in of ourselves. That pleasure fades. That pleasure dies and brings about our own death. The Creator of time has given me a small chunk of time on this earth. The time He's given me belongs solely to Him. I am to be about His work. As Jesus' time on earth was for a purpose, just as His words were not His own, but the Father's, so it should be in my own life. This truth is hard to surrender to. This truth makes me sacrifice my own wants and "my" time, in order to do as I'm told. I do serve a master either way and only one Master leads to life. 

Right now, this is what I've been asked to do. It is for my good. 

Father, change me. 

When Overwhelmed, Grace Abounds

We're here! In Belgium. Holy cow.
(At this point Mom would say cows aren't holy. Indeed, they are not.)

Yesterday and today we've been getting the low down on the schedule and all the tiny yet numerous details that go into this "job". There's sooooo much to learn. Today when one of the nurses came, I jumped right in to help and felt so overwhelmed (and the tasks aren't that hard...it's just so detailed and completely foreign to us and FAR out of our comfort zones that it is really, really taxing) that I began crying when finished. I was told we were doing a great job, but while doing it, when uncertain of a new thing, I felt so timid, so wrong.

Everything is different here. The food (some of you would love the cheese; it's very french, very rich and smells oh my gosh it smells-I can't stand it), the smells, the toilets and bathrooms, houses, language, people, just blasted everything. Part of that is beginning to appeal to me. I think once the shock is over, I'll really enjoy it here. It truly is beautiful. But for now, often, I miss home, my family, my friends.

Yesterday Jordan took us to the larger grocery store in Waterloo. (Yup, the very place where Napoleon was defeated.) It's called Carre Four. French, everywhere. (I so wish I knew more French.) Nothing is in logical (to us) order. The cheese aisle stinks so badly. ;) BUT one of the beauties of the grocery store is the wonderfully delightful BREAD AISLE! Fresh loaves lined up in bins, baked daily. Oh my goodness. The glory. The aroma. The FRESHNESS!

Shoppers choose their bread, then take it to a slicer, bag it and take it home. 

I have hope that things will get better. Already I feel slightly less overwhelmed. The people are kind and patient and have done this a million other times with other caregivers. God is so gracious and gives strength when we are so so weak. I crave His word and His grace.

Until next time here are a few pictures:

On our first plane ride this was the curtain separating us from first class.
Our feet were in first class the entire trip, however.
Stickin' it to the man.

The Petrie's house

                                                   

The steep stairs where Rebecca fell

I was slightly superstitious about the stairs when we first got here. I had a fear of falling down them myself, but that's all been taken care of as I accomplished that the first day  here...I was wearing socks and slipped on the last four stairs. Don't worry. I'm ok. :)

The views on our street.

Until later, much love and thank you! for your prayers. :) Pray that the Lord helps us to learn quickly and that He would develop sweet love and fellowship between us and Rebecca. I don't think it will be too hard to develop.

This morning at 7 when I helped get her up and ready for breakfast she invited me to watch the birds with her. In the morning she is raised from her bed into her chair. She then has us feed the birds by putting seed on the window sill and the feeder just outside the window so they can eat while she has her Quiet Time with the Father. The Petrie's have a beautiful garden (backyard) where everything is green and the birds dwell in abundance. Rebecca has a few that stay around all day and feed from her window. Rebecca can already tell that I love being outside. She said that every time the garden is spoken of my eyes light up, so she invited me to stay a few minutes to watch the birds feed. Only one was brave enough to come as I stood there. He was a beautiful, small bird with black and white feathers. Rebecca calls him Charlie.

She has such a tender heart. I'm very much looking forward to getting to know her.

La Maison Grise

Change can come faster than you can say "I feel so comfortable here", or "Man, I wish my life would change and I could have a little adventure". Seriously. Four years ago I never thought I'd be living in Albuquerque. One year ago I never thought I'd be living in my deceased Nanny's house. I mean...wow.

So much has changed in a few years and a few months. Friends and friendships change, friends move away, new friends move in, some friends come back, people change---I change. I've spoken with several friends and we all agree. This is a huge time of change in our lives. We're figuring out who we are, who the Lord's made us to be. He reveals paths, we follow them. (Hopefully obediently.) Even in our hardships and our pain and even in our disobedience, the Lord is there. But I'm getting carried away. :)

My sister and I moved into our Nanny's house two and a half months ago. We're calling our house "La Maison Grise", which is French for The Gray House. As I said, this is a time of great change and growth for us. The Lord is revealing so much of our sin, pride, and selfishness. Things that we thought would be great fun (hosting parties for example) have revealed themselves to be much work! And expensive! I've learned that I really don't love people as much as I thought I did. I thought I liked to serve and I do, but the Lord is revealing more of my self-motivated heart. In the times that I do serve out of love, it is only by His grace that there is any good in me at all.

Moving out has caused us to learn many "grown-uppy" things.
...Like cooking!

My Paula Deen Cookware fresh out of the box

And modeled by yours truly

And in use for the first time

And producing yummy food
...

Can you tell I was and still am excited about my pans?!

And now back to seriousness.

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This is why we are naming our house, La Maison Grise. For in the words of my sister Katina, "Gray is black becoming white". (Or white becoming black, but hey is your glass half empty or half full? Hmm?) We are in this period where so many questions are being asked and we have this hope that they will eventually be answered. We are being shaped and molded as clay. (Gray clay to be exact!) Gray is all the colors mixed together. The possibilities are endless. There are symbolic valleys to forge, and in Albuquerque, actual mountains to climb in this period of gray reflection, thoughtfulness and growth. (And who knows...more adventure could be just around the corner.)

;)