The way the dust rolls over your well traveled highways. *sarcasm*
How your colors paint the sky and your clouds form in shifting shapes.
Chick-fil-A and Lotaburger.
The lavender bushes that dot the landscape like freckles on a ginger kid's face. ;)
Tramway.
Paseo-del-Norte.
Flying Star dates with my girl friends.
Making friends with the Flying Star workers because we're there so often.
The mountains and hiking.
Red or green? To which I reply with slight fear, "Neither, thank you".
Frontier.
That Greek restaurant we discovered on campus just before coming.
The bosque.
Uptown and checking sales at The Loft.
Living in 4 Hills. (Where we won't be returning.)
Parties at our house.
Lack of humidity.
Olo.
My family.
How I miss Thee my Quirky Albuquerque!
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I had always felt that the way I was raised and the way I ticked insinuated that I belonged overseas somewhere. Now that I'm here, in some ways I feel that more and more. There are so many things I absolutely love about being here. Public transportation, for one is initially somewhat terrifying, but the system is easy to figure out and when you have it down the whole world is opened up to you. Secondly, fresh, unprocessed, yummy, delicious produce, purchased a couple times a week from the grocery is delightful. I mean fresh baguettes--heck yes. And then there's a whole conglomeration of peoples and people groups in one area the size of a state in the ...States. Architecture! How could I forget architecture and language...
Yet, though my heart is so full here, I feel a tinge of longing. I have a longing for the far away familiar and for those whom I love: my family and the community that I left in Albuquerque. For the silly things that I listed above. Something tells me, though, that when I'm home my heart will miss once again the things that became familiar but will then be far away.
A post that my friend recently wrote touched my heart. My heart feels similarly to what hers has so beautifully communicated. In many ways it feels torn in two; torn between two realities and two ways of life. It's as though my heart has become two dots on opposite sides on the map of the world.
I'm learning more fully that when something is chosen and a path is taken, there *is* sacrifice. There are things that I am going to miss. Since I've been here in Belgium I've missed having Easter with my family, my Dad's birthday, Mother's Day, my brother getting his driver's license, one of my best friends will be moving with her new husband to a different state, I haven't been there with a best friend during a tragedy, and there's major change going on in our college ministry where both Katina and I are on the leadership team. So yeah, while I am here in Europe getting to see things I'd only before dreamed of (and really, let's be honest, Belgium had never before entered my mind as somewhere I would go) I am missing some major life and relational events.
This all may end up being slightly exaggerated. I have found that God has enabled me to be fairly adaptable in whatever climate He places me. But I do feel that wherever I am, there will be a slight longing to be in the other place on the map.
I don't want to go too deeply into it at this time and I apologize slightly that this is turning into yet another spiritual metaphor, but I can't help but ponder our "now and not yet" motto when considering these things. All these longings, unfulfilled desires, and the imperfections of the life we live are a reminder that we've not yet reached perfection. There's always going to be that feeling that something isn't complete. Because it's not. It's in the process of being completed. Our salvation in Christ is complete and still in completion. There is an end to our story but still the plot thickens. God's given us guidelines through His Word about what pleases Him and how to live life, but where do I live out that life and what exactly do I pursue?
I told Rebecca that I feel like there have been so many more desires awakened and realized while we've been here, but they've led to even more questions and fewer answers. I'm sorry, I don't know if that flows well or stays directly on topic, it's just where my thoughts happened to go. We're leaving Belgium in 3 weeks and coming home in 5. Right now, in many ways I can't wait to be home, but I anticipate my heart wanting to return once I've come home. You see my conundrum? Rebecca answered with a smile that the Lord often does that. "He's not a reluctant revealer." He does desire for us to know His steps, but even more so, His desire is for us to seek HIS face.
At the core of all these longings and desires: to be in one place while I'm in the other and vise versa, is the need to be satisfied in where God has placed me. His sovereignty intertwines with His goodness and His love toward me. When I am exactly where I need to be, where I've sought His face and am not against His will prescribed for me in His Word, when I'm honoring Him with what He's given me and am seeking His face, I can rest securely in His immutability. (Thank you Tozer.) He never changes! And in Him, all is complete!
"I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes it's boast in the Lord;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me and let us
exalt His name together!
I sought the Lord, and He answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the Lord him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around
those who fear Him and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes
refuge in Him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints,
for those who fear Him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."
Psalm 34:1-10
