A Struggle to be Thankful

Praise be to God, the Most High God who knows all things and has created all things. By Him and to Him and through Him are all things. He has answered prayer and given us both a great love for both Rebecca and Paul. Rebecca now kisses us goodnight on the cheek every night before bed. At the end of three months our relationship will be very strong.

That said, I'm struggling today. The tasks are now becoming more routine and they aren't as hard as they used to be (praise God!). God has made us quick to learn and we've done some things we never thought we'd be able to do. However, now that the tasks are a little easier, the schedule is still tiring and I'm failing at being thankful. 

I have this thing we often call cabin fever; in my family we say we're 'stir crazy'.. I hate being in one place for several days. When I'm out and about all day, every day of the week, (going back and forth between work and home, then back to church for events and such) it's nice to come home and stay home one day and not leave ALL day. But when I'm stuck at home for more than a day and a half (or less) I go crazy and get antsy. I want to be outside. I want to go...

We're not often out of the house much here, and when we are it's for a very short time. We've had three, one hour long outings so far. --And actually, I ought to be thankful for those quick opportunities to be out of the house, so, thank you Lord for giving me three undeserved opportunities to be outside--All three we were aiming for the local lake--Lac du Genval. On our  first 'adventures' we ended up going the opposite way we should've gone and ended up confused and irritated...but at least we were out. 

On our first intended lake outing, we went the exact opposite direction we needed to go and ended up in the next village over fairly close to another lake, but didn't have time to get all the way there and be back in time. We passed by a lovely soccer field, some lovely Belgian men and stopped to take a pic or two to show that we'd done something in Belgium. ;) Apart from the disappointment of not going where we'd intended we kept our spirits up and had a good time. At least we were in Belgium, right?

We made it to a soccer field! Yay!

On our seconded outing destined for the lake we found our way to the town center, found a map, picked a street and ended up going 30 minutes the wrong way...again. Then it started raining. And we kept walking. And looking. We'd packed our lunches so that we could be picturesque by the lake: cute Americans trying to disguise that fact that we were foreigners, blend in, look pretty of course, maybe meet some people (when at which point we could of course no longer disguise our non-Belgian-ness) and just have a lovely time. But...we didn't. We'd gone the wrong way and were wandering in the rain, both of us being lightly soaked as neither of us had an umbrella or were smart enough for some reason to put on our jackets when it first started raining.

Wet hair. Not happy.

At this point we were both very grumbly, cranky, and mean  to each other. Finally, I began praying out loud just as I was...grumbly and irritated and...wet. I began acknowledging that though our plan had been to get to the lake, it wasn't our Father's. We asked Him to lead our steps. We thanked God that He knew our way and was in control of the situation. By the time we'd gotten back to the map we had just enough time to get back to the house. But we'd decided to make the way back home kinda fun so we took notice of the architecture around us and took a few pics.
(You can see more pics on Katina's blog here.)

I liked this wall

Strollin the streets

Checking the map to see what we'd done wrong

We came back to the house kind of defeated, but glad we'd taken the opportunity to work at being thankful.

Today we went out again. We had less than an hour and we were determined that this was going to be the day that we made it to the lake. We did! But unfortunately the whole way there I was very ungrateful. I had planned on more time than we ended up having, but we did have to rush. I feel like every time we've been able to get out we've had to rush. I wanted to savor and enjoy, instead we're practically at a canter trying to reach our destination, see it, and go back. I saw everything with a veil of discontentment. The sky is grey. It's not that pretty. We have to hurry. Can we slow down. Why do you (Katina) get to take pictures and slow down when you want and I just have to hurry to keep up with you...Oh, that's the chateau? Huh. (I bet it's more exciting to go inside and is probably prettier in the spring.) Let's go a little further, oh no, we can't we have to turn around to make it back in time. Ugh. Discontentment is so exhausting. (And so is idealism... :/ )

But so is working at being thankful. That means taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Every. Thought. Examining every motive. Examining every thought. The past two days I've been writing down verses in the Bible that have to do with thankfulness. I get so frustrated because I feel like it's not sinking in...not changing me immediately. ;) Why can't I read a verse and be automatically changed?! Ha. That's silly. Because it's a journey! A journey and a relationship with Christ, who does the work, who moves and changes my heart. Yes, submitting is hard. But it's His blood that makes a change in me even a possibility.

Here are a few of my favorites of the verses I gleaned on thankfulness:

Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love, 

for His wondrous works to the children of man! 

For He satisfies the longing soul, 

and the hungry soul He fills with good things.

 Psalm 107:8-9

The Lord is good to all and His mercy is over all that He has made.

All your works shall give thanks to You, O LORD,

and all Your saints shall bless You!

Psalm 145:9-10

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord,

knowing that in the Lord,  your labor is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:57-58

And as I was looking through these and more I spotted a few on weakness/strength and works:

I will praise the name of God with a song;

I will magnify Him with thanksgiving.

This will please Him more than an ox or a bull with horns and hoofs.

Psalm 69:30-31

...His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor His pleasure in the legs of a man,

but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him,

in those who hope in His steadfast love.

Psalm 147:10-11

Would you pray for me that I would work by Christ's strength to be more thankful? That even when I am not able to do the things that God has recently revealed to me I see as rights (exercising daily, having time by myself [I tell you what, I often feel like a new mother having to adjust to giving her time solely to others], having freedom to get out of the house, finishing whatever I'm doing at the time, having my own room, etc.) and I feel a little crazy when I don't have them, pray that I would have contentment, and I would have joy and that I would mentally think through whatever I'm feeling, pinpoint my sinful thoughts and submit them under Christ's Lordship.

This week will be our first week with a day off. I'm taking Thursday and Sister's taking Friday. We'll be roaming the city by ourselves, I guess. It may feel  lonely or it may be exactly what we need. (Time alone for a long while sounds really nice right now.) ;)

Until later, love you all. Thanks for keeping up with us. Let us know how you're doing!

Kayla

My Time is Not My Own

I believe today is our 4th whole day in Belgium. Quite honestly it feels like it's been an eternity....it has been tres difficile. This is the most rigid schedule we've ever been on and we're hardly getting any sleep because of jet-lag. Last night was the first time Sis and I really had a conversation since we've been here. Since we both have different tasks, or are doing them at the same time, we are hardly alone, and when in our room we're so tired that we're trying our best to sleep.

 We are realizing that our time is not our own. We cannot do whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do it. As Katina said, "We have to do only what we have to do". It's a very difficult thing to come to terms with. I must admit, sometimes I"m not happy about it in my heart. I want more sleep, to eat whatever the heck I want (Chick-fil-A y'all) I want to be alone, to be with my sister, I don't always want to get up when I'm called, I want to exercise, I want to go outside and I want to see the city. (Stop complaining, is what the Lord said to me as I was writing this in my journal.)

And yet, the Lord is still with me. He gives grace for every moment. He gives me strength when I am tired and feel like I can't do anything else. He keeps me from fainting, and I mean that quite literally! He's helped me to handle emptying a pee bag, to help change a diaper, to endure the smells, etc. (I've yet to do the actual changing. They're being kind and letting us work up to that.) He's sustained me and given me life and breath, strength enough for each day.

"Why do you say, O Jacob and speak, O Israel, 'My way is hidden from the LORD, and my right is disregarded by my God'? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they that wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:27-31

Ok, let's be frank here. We Americans are very protective of our rights. We have expectations that must be met and our lives, boy, are our lives all about ourselves. But the time we're given on this earth was not meant for our pleasure in of ourselves. That pleasure fades. That pleasure dies and brings about our own death. The Creator of time has given me a small chunk of time on this earth. The time He's given me belongs solely to Him. I am to be about His work. As Jesus' time on earth was for a purpose, just as His words were not His own, but the Father's, so it should be in my own life. This truth is hard to surrender to. This truth makes me sacrifice my own wants and "my" time, in order to do as I'm told. I do serve a master either way and only one Master leads to life. 

Right now, this is what I've been asked to do. It is for my good. 

Father, change me. 

When Overwhelmed, Grace Abounds

We're here! In Belgium. Holy cow.
(At this point Mom would say cows aren't holy. Indeed, they are not.)

Yesterday and today we've been getting the low down on the schedule and all the tiny yet numerous details that go into this "job". There's sooooo much to learn. Today when one of the nurses came, I jumped right in to help and felt so overwhelmed (and the tasks aren't that hard...it's just so detailed and completely foreign to us and FAR out of our comfort zones that it is really, really taxing) that I began crying when finished. I was told we were doing a great job, but while doing it, when uncertain of a new thing, I felt so timid, so wrong.

Everything is different here. The food (some of you would love the cheese; it's very french, very rich and smells oh my gosh it smells-I can't stand it), the smells, the toilets and bathrooms, houses, language, people, just blasted everything. Part of that is beginning to appeal to me. I think once the shock is over, I'll really enjoy it here. It truly is beautiful. But for now, often, I miss home, my family, my friends.

Yesterday Jordan took us to the larger grocery store in Waterloo. (Yup, the very place where Napoleon was defeated.) It's called Carre Four. French, everywhere. (I so wish I knew more French.) Nothing is in logical (to us) order. The cheese aisle stinks so badly. ;) BUT one of the beauties of the grocery store is the wonderfully delightful BREAD AISLE! Fresh loaves lined up in bins, baked daily. Oh my goodness. The glory. The aroma. The FRESHNESS!

Shoppers choose their bread, then take it to a slicer, bag it and take it home. 

I have hope that things will get better. Already I feel slightly less overwhelmed. The people are kind and patient and have done this a million other times with other caregivers. God is so gracious and gives strength when we are so so weak. I crave His word and His grace.

Until next time here are a few pictures:

On our first plane ride this was the curtain separating us from first class.
Our feet were in first class the entire trip, however.
Stickin' it to the man.

The Petrie's house

                                                   

The steep stairs where Rebecca fell

I was slightly superstitious about the stairs when we first got here. I had a fear of falling down them myself, but that's all been taken care of as I accomplished that the first day  here...I was wearing socks and slipped on the last four stairs. Don't worry. I'm ok. :)

The views on our street.

Until later, much love and thank you! for your prayers. :) Pray that the Lord helps us to learn quickly and that He would develop sweet love and fellowship between us and Rebecca. I don't think it will be too hard to develop.

This morning at 7 when I helped get her up and ready for breakfast she invited me to watch the birds with her. In the morning she is raised from her bed into her chair. She then has us feed the birds by putting seed on the window sill and the feeder just outside the window so they can eat while she has her Quiet Time with the Father. The Petrie's have a beautiful garden (backyard) where everything is green and the birds dwell in abundance. Rebecca has a few that stay around all day and feed from her window. Rebecca can already tell that I love being outside. She said that every time the garden is spoken of my eyes light up, so she invited me to stay a few minutes to watch the birds feed. Only one was brave enough to come as I stood there. He was a beautiful, small bird with black and white feathers. Rebecca calls him Charlie.

She has such a tender heart. I'm very much looking forward to getting to know her.

Sister of Mine

In my sister, I am blessed. God's gifted me in both a blood relation and a friend. Katina and I have had many seasons in life. We grew up in the same bedroom. First we shared a bunk bed and then had separate futons. I remember going from frenemies to best friends in that bedroom. When we first moved in, our bedroom had red, yellow, green, blue, and white striped wall paper from it's previous male occupant. We left if for some time, then tore it all off and in our family's style didn't paint if for a very long time. Our parents surprised us one weekend and painted it for us while we were gone. We had decided on our colors: blue and purple, sponge painted. A compromise, as they were both our favorite colors. During the day we'd have our own personal dance parties in our room, grooving to tunes such as Funky Town, Brick House, and Lady Marmalade. Lying in our separate futons we'd talk all night. Sometimes we cuddled. Sometimes we were quiet and I'd hide under the covers with only my watch's push button light to illumine the pages of whatever book I was reading currently. She probably did something similar without me knowing it. (I'm SO glad we didn't have laptops at the time!)

When we moved into our Nanny's house we fought horribly for the first month. She and I have this joke that we only fight now in front of our family. Our brother says we're the worst roommates. (He just doesn't know.) We've learned a lot and grown even closer over the past 6 months. We joke that this has been great training ground for marriage someday.

My sister and I have had some great adventures together. In December of 2010 we had our first road trip together. We couldn't go too far, so we went to Phoenix, AZ about an 8 hour drive from where we live.

We had In-N-Out

The golden boomerang of the west has the yummiest of burgers.

And went hiking

trail head

Katina demonstrates that the rocks are funny

We like each other. 

And we look alike, too.

In three weeks my sister and I will be adventuring together in Belgium for three months. I'm so glad God gave her to me, and can't wait to go to the other side of the world with her! 

Stay tuned for posts from Genval, Belgium. 

Picture Diary

My Mom made a calendar for our grandparents with pictures we had taken over the past year. She asked if I could contribute several of my photos, so it got me looking over a whole year's worth of photos. I really enjoyed the time of reflection on what I had done last year...so I thought I'd share. So get ready for...

A Year In Photos! 

disclaimer: This in no way encompasses the happenings of an entire year. These pictures just skim the surface of events, emotions, growth, pain, joy, and God's grace! Also, no worries if you don't want to look at ALL of these! :)


Proceed.

The year began with a wedding

Pictured is my friend the maid of honor.
Matchy matchy!

What's goin' on? Oh yeah, we're just goofin. 

Some sweet sister and friend fellowship time.

Then Chick-fil-A went and came out with these awesome ketchup packets of delightfulness.

I don't know about you, but this event may have made my year.

Heh heh heh

Then there were some amazing times with my friend, an international student from over the big ol' ocean. We went to the bosque, went to Zumba together and talked about weird somewhat creepy instructors. She lived with us for a while before hopping back over the pond. Love her lots! 

 

Saying goodbye at the airport. :(

There was some random snow.

And our beautiful dogs LOVE playing in it! 

Mags hurt her foot and had to wear a cute little boot.
Should've taken a video...

Then the snow melted, there were ample trails to conquer and therefore, much hiking to be done.  

And trips to be taken!

And silly faces to make!

And more trails to conquer in Colorado.

Where the rocks shaped like camels kiss.

And pictures are taken from forbidden points:

Exploring an area of the bosque we'd never been to before with the brosefs.

What? More hiking?

Yes.

A little scurry off the path of my favorite trail (Pino Canyon Trail)
there's this HUGE boulder with a tree growing out the top.

More Summer Fun

Sweet, amazing girl got married this year and is on a new adventure with her husband. :)

A spontaneous picnic in the mountains made some sweet memories and cute pictures.
L's comment on this photo on facebook was, "Ok, just sayin', how are we not all married?!?" She must be psychic because E's getting married next month! 

A's been such a sweet friend in my life.
She'll be getting married this year as well!

In June I went with my church youth group to Noah's Ark in Buena Vista, CO for a some awesome camping and overnight river rafting. Definitely recommend it!

Wet suits are awesome, comfortable, and extremely flattering. 

My Uncle is the Dean of a Baptist college in Texas and came here for a meeting so we got to see him... 

:)

...and show him the views.

Got to see Rascall Flatts with Jo

And explore the volcanoes with E

I love this city!

In August I made more friends from England. 

I have so enjoyed this dear sweet girl. 

Coon hats and a sheriff's badge.

                                         

The fall is one of my siblings and my favorite time to go to the bosque.

During a baby shower the sibs nabbed me and took me to our favorite bosque location.

I was wearing this. 

And the sky looked like this

Fall turned to winter and we had lots of snow.

Tina made a teeny snowman atop our bush.
He was very faithful at guarding our house.

Christmas  parties galore

Christmas staff party brought out some fun sweaters.

Soooo...happy New Year to you (two months late)!

It's such a blessing to remember and to think back on all that's happened and all that God's done. Here's to another year of growth and more hopes placed in Christ in 2012.